I'm at home, sick with the flu. The doctor says I'm contagious, so I have to stay in my apartment, away from everyone and the world, for three days. For all the times I wanted to just be alone...i have it now. The Austin weather is making me ill. It's hot days and humid rain make my immune system turn. I miss autumn. My favorite season. The summer lasts too long here that's why I anticipate the colder weather. Austin only gets about two months of coldish weather a year. When it finally gets here....well....before you know it...it's gone. I miss the all the layers, big wool coats and hot chocolate. Tones of cozy blankets and my vhs collection will be watched over and over this autumn/winter. So many things are different this year, I can see myself being alone more because those people I thought I could call my family, could care less about the little things. I want there to be a new beginning for me as well. A positive beginning. I have so many things I want to do and I always have a problem letting unimportant things get in the way. I just want to be happy. Content with myself. It's hard when I am not happy with where I am in my life right now. I need to get out of Texas. It's sucking me dry and I can't breathe. I need a vacation. I need life. I need new surroundings, new people, new culture, new new new.I want a lot of things. Believe me, I can rant on about what I think I can do, but in actuality i need to just do it. I need to just do it and not care what everybody else thinks because let's face it...it's only me in the end. I can only take care of myself and all this self loathing has got to stop because I'm driving myself crazy.
